Lost in the crowd. She was looking for her bearings, looking for a footing for herself. Bullshit! She was trying to look for herself in them. She’d lost herself years ago and now, she was trying to find her identity. Who was she? She didn’t know. They asked her that question often and she? She just shrugged casually but, the hesitance was visible if you looked carefully, her shoulders stiff when she answered with, “I’m lost.” And then, she’d move away further, looking here and there and everywhere.
She’d spent so much time being lost and now, she wanted to be found. She wanted to be noticed. She felt like the ‘Nowhere Man’ The Beatles spoke about. “He’s a real nowhere man, sitting in his nowhere land, making all his nowhere plans for nobody. Doesn’t have a point of view, knows not where he’s going to, isn’t he a bit like you and me?” But here, she didn’t feel a bit like him. No, she felt just like him. As if the song was written for her. She was a nobody, the ‘Nowhere Lady’ she liked to call herself.
Exhausted from her search, she lay in her world of whites and blues. Her room, her sanctuary, her world away from the world. That was her nowhere land where she made her nowhere plans for herself. “Tomorrow,” she said, “tomorrow I’ll find myself and if I fail, I’ll make myself.” with the new found determination she fell asleep, dreaming about what tomorrow shall bring.
With the rays of the sun filtering through her curtains, she felt her rays of hope brighten. Yeah, today she’d find herself. If not, she’d tear herself a new identity. And, tear she did. She spent the day trying to look for herself in them. Needless to say, she failed miserably. She couldn’t possibly find someone who was like her. Not even close. Something inside her flickered and she tried to look for it. Years of searching had made her an expert, she was sure she’d find what that flicker was. She looked inside herself and felt ecstatic! That would be an understatement. Her happiness couldn’t possibly, be explained in words. She was practically radiating waves of it from her body. She was the sunshine. All these years of searching for herself and she finally, found herself hidden within her. She wasn’t lost anymore and today when people asked her, “Who are you?” she grinned and clapped while answering them with, “I’m found.”
With her new found identity, she hopped and jumped around the town like a kid on Christmas morning. She was being herself and the people who so much as didn’t glance at her in the years gone, were today, smiling at her, some laughing even. “This is Christmas,” she told herself,”My Christmas!”
After a few weeks of having found herself and nothing better to do she decided to find her nowhere man, “Surely, it wouldn’t be that hard.” she thought to herself. With that, she started with her usual routine. Searching the crowd, only this time, it wasn’t herself she was looking for, it was him. A certain him, to be precise. And, find him, she did. He was the same guy she spent time with. They’d sit at the cafe and talk endlessly for hours. It truly was Christmas season for her. She wanted to help him find himself but, by the end of the day she felt her hopes dwindling, a little. This was too much work. She shook her head and promised him that she’d find him tomorrow. With that said, she left for her world.
The next day, with her hopes rejuvenated, she left in search of him. It wasn’t hard at all. He was sitting at their usual cafe. She strolled in withthat oh-so-contagious smile of her’s. Today, she decided to tell him her story. Her story of being lost and found. By the end of it, he was smiling just as brightly as her. And, she knew he too had found himself, just the way she did. She found herself distracted by his smile. It was blinding and she felt the world around her starting to disappear. The strumming of his guitar brought her out of her reverie. She laughed as he started singing ‘Always a woman to me’.
“She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes. And she can ruin your faith with her casual lies. And she only reveals what she wants you to see. She hides like a child but, she’s always a woman to me.” she laughed all through it. From being the ‘Nowhere Lady’ to being his ‘Woman’, that sure was some achievement! She’d found herself in being herself.