Perched on the window pane, a cigarette in hand. She sat watching the sunset and the disappearing rainbow. Her thoughts were just as cloudy as the smoke swirling around her. A hundred questions, not a single answer. A hundred why’s but, no because. Her life itself was one big question. The colours in it, just like this rainbow were fading.
She had nothing to hold onto, she was falling. Falling into that abyss and she knew there was no returning, not when she had nobody to catch her. She knew it was wrong to hope, to expect that he’d come save her, nothing good ever came out of it. All it’d bring was disappointment, misery and more pain. The disappointment, the misery she could handle but, she didn’t know how much more pain her broken heart could take, it already felt too heavy to bear. Any day now, the already shattered pieces would crumble to nothingness. And judging by the way of things, she was no better.
She felt like the walls she’d built around herself were closing in on her. The clock was ticking away and the invisible noose around her neck was tightening with every tick of the clock. She couldn’t question herself, not now. The how and why didn’t matter, not when she knew there weren’t any answers and even if there were, she was running out of time. This time around, there was no winning to time. It was far ahead of her and with this realization, she jolted back to reality, ending her pity party for one.
She’d done enough of wound licking, shed enough tears for a lifetime. She looked up, only now realizing that the sun had went down, the full moon taking its place. ‘The circle of life’, she thought. Standing up, she leaned against the window, closing her eyes and embracing the warmth that the summer air bought with it. The pain in her chest was reduced to a dull ache and the hollow was almost nonexistent. Almost.
The frown that marred her features faded and a small but genuine smile slowly spread across her lips. She’d called a truce with life. What else could she do? Wasting the last few hours of her life in crying over spilt milk wasn’t really an option. When she finally closed her eyes for good, there was a smile gracing her beautiful features, looking as calm as a sleeping baby. She was in a better place now, sleeping without a care in the world or as they say, resting in peace.